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Wonder

Title: Wonder
Fandom: Life on Mars
Characters: Sam, Annie, Ray, Gene, Chris... and Nelson's probably there, pretending not to eavesdrop as he polishes the glasses...
Rating: PG/Green Cortina
Word Count: 500 more or less
Spoilers: ep 2.08
Disclaimer: As much as I would like to, I don't own these shows. The BBC, Kudos does.
Author's Comment: I always wondered how Sam would tell the team what he did...
About: Drunk, after a hard day at work, the team sits around and serenades into their whisky glasses. Then Sam tells them what a sacrifice suicide can mean.

 

“But I mean it though. What are those divs thinking when they jump?” Ray asked his glass of whisky, swirling the golden substance around gently, idle to the fact that someone might answer.

 

Sam just smiled knowingly into his scotch, fingers tapping in time to the soft background music of “Life on Mars”. Was it soft? Maybe he was just removed from it; a thousand miles away.

 

“I dunno. They’re all a bi’ ment’l, tha’ suicidal lot. Better off inna nut fact’ry,” came Chris’ drunken response, twisting his ciggie in his hands; captivated by its elegant beauty.

 

“Bu’ wha’ are they thinkin’?” Ray pressed, still serenading his whisky.

 

“I guess we’ll nev’r know-” Annie broke off, fist over her mouth as she hiccupped.

 

“They don’ think!” Guv slammed his fist down onto the table in a drunken protest.

 

“They wonder.”

 

“Wha’?” the whole team’s eyes rested incredulously on Sam, their statement emitted in perfect unison.

 

Sam’s head swiftly bent down to avoid eye contact, before realising he was too drunk to weave his way out. If he was going to get rid of this gnawing curiosity and tell them, it was best they heard it when they were too intoxicated to process the facts. He drew in a deep breath, and stared at the other side of the table’s edge.

 

“They don’t think; oh no. They just wonder,” he let out a soft chuckle, his voice just a rich purr or a hum of noise in the smoky bar, “You don’t think, ‘Hey, this is going to hurt,’ or ‘This is sure going to ruin my hair,’ or even ‘I better leave some type of identification on me, ‘cos at the bottom I ain’t going to be recognised,’”

 

Sam looked into each one of his team’s eyes, making sure he had their absolute attention.

 

“No, you wonder. You close your eyes and say, ‘I wonder if they’ll ever know?’”

 

“Takes one to know one,” Ray brushed it off.

 

“Indeed,” came Sam’s enigmatic reply, “Because as you stand on that roof, you begin to wonder about all those things you did right, all those things you messed up, and all those things you wished you could have done. You start to wonder about all those people you met, all those people you hurt, all those people you loved, and all those people you didn’t save.

 

“You then close your eyes and imagine the faces of the people you love the most, and pick back through your memories until you see the memory where you saw them last. Their faces, pale, dirt, tear and blood streaked; crying out to you, begging for you not to leave them. Begging for your help; begging for you to save them.

 

“That’s when you ask yourself, ‘Where’s home?’” his head shook wearily, eyes on the table’s core.

 

“Then what?”

 

“Then you know what to do,” a smirk twisted into his face, eyes locking with Ray’s,

 

The final chorus of ‘Life on Mars’ belted out around the pub, ringing into the marked silence.

 

Jump.”

Comments

( 24 comments — Leave a comment )
jexxer
Apr. 18th, 2008 02:40 am (UTC)
Ooooooooooh...I like this one. 8D

Really, I can't even think of anything proper to say; I'm just sitting here with a big grin on my face. Love it!

I wonder what made Ray bring up suicidals...
shimshimz
Apr. 18th, 2008 03:40 am (UTC)
Thanks ;)
I guess maybe their 'hard day at work' consisted in dealing with a splattered jumper... xD
liquorishflame
Apr. 18th, 2008 03:35 am (UTC)
Whoooo!
Wow, that was intense. And Sam bringing this whole different twist on suicide, his thoughts before jumping, just kinda makes me nod my head even as it chills me. Great stuff! :)
shimshimz
Apr. 18th, 2008 04:16 am (UTC)
*bows* Why thank you!
time_testudinem
Apr. 18th, 2008 05:14 am (UTC)
That was just a really cool idea. I wish I could be more coherent, but it is late and I am off to bed. Thanks.
shimshimz
Apr. 18th, 2008 05:20 am (UTC)
No, I say 'thanks' to you xD
Urh, I know the feeling. I actually wrote this late last night when I should've been tucked away in bed ;)
meli_64
Apr. 18th, 2008 06:39 am (UTC)
Oh brilliant! Great look into Sam's suicidal tendencies. :D
shimshimz
Apr. 18th, 2008 06:56 am (UTC)
Ah thank you! He isn't the most lucky chap, is he? xD
wesseling
Apr. 18th, 2008 08:33 am (UTC)
Oh my God, I needed this! I didn’t even know I needed this, but now that you’ve written it, I’m wondering how I managed to live without it so far.

This was a really good character insight. And I’m so glad Sam gets the chance to talk about his jump to the others, to get it off his chest.

Thank you so much!
shimshimz
Apr. 18th, 2008 08:51 am (UTC)
*giggles*
You're welcome. And thank you for the wonderful comment! *hug*
chelseagirl
Apr. 18th, 2008 10:12 am (UTC)
Lovely! Very perceptive and thoughtful. (And nice to see some LOM gen turn up!)
shimshimz
Apr. 18th, 2008 12:59 pm (UTC)
=D Thanks!
Ah, well, I'm usually gen... where possible
saintvic
Apr. 18th, 2008 10:20 am (UTC)
Great idea and executed very well. Makes me really think about those moments and was great to read.
shimshimz
Apr. 18th, 2008 12:59 pm (UTC)
Aw thank you! I was so surprised there seemed to be no other fics with the same 'idea' xD Oh well
bistokids
Apr. 18th, 2008 11:46 am (UTC)
A very thought-provoking insight into Sam's state of mind. Nice one! :)
shimshimz
Apr. 18th, 2008 12:58 pm (UTC)
Thanks! =D
severinne
Apr. 18th, 2008 12:59 pm (UTC)
Simply wonderful take on that great bit of 2.08, fantastic use of the song as well.

Thank you!
shimshimz
Apr. 18th, 2008 01:10 pm (UTC)
Why are people thanking me?! It should be me thanking you for reading and for the kind praise! *giggles*
I'm off for a whole week, up to the central coast. Coz once Im there I have no comp and no one will contact me... *sings* tra la la la and it is late; goodnight to all of you!
xD Need sleep ;) Am on a sugar high...
acidpenguin46
Apr. 19th, 2008 07:25 am (UTC)
Ooooh, I really liked that. Such a brilliant idea, and a great insight into Sam's mind.
shimshimz
May. 2nd, 2008 07:56 am (UTC)
*finally gets around to reply to comments*

Aw thanks! I just love stepping inside Sam's crazy, analytical mind; such fun!
seileach67
Apr. 19th, 2008 09:43 am (UTC)
Wow. This was wonderful. I love that Sam had a chance to let the others know he came back for them, even though they probably won't get it (being drunk and all), although subsconsciously maybe they will understand he's talking about himself, and sense his caring about them. Beautiful. :D
shimshimz
May. 2nd, 2008 07:58 am (UTC)
Shucks...
I was actually waiting for a long time for someone more experienced to write something like this, but decided to stop hoping and write it myself xD
bluekiwibubble
Apr. 20th, 2008 08:20 pm (UTC)
Oooh! I just watched the last episode for the first time about an hour ago(I'm behind, I know), and now this has just returned me to the slack-jawed state of - hell, I can't even articulate. I'm now like I was after I'd just finished watching it, if that makes any kind of sense >_> Basically, bloody good fic!
shimshimz
May. 2nd, 2008 08:00 am (UTC)
Wow. Now that's a compliment and 3/4's. I must say, when I saw Sam jump, I was like WHAT!? NO! and then realised he would wake up in 1973, so it wasn't too bad... once my brain was stitched back together.
( 24 comments — Leave a comment )